


depaysement

by vasttelia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A LOT of Angst, AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben is definitely not perfect, Blood, F/M, Leia and Han are not perfect, Menstruation, More tags to be added, No One is Hurt, Rey's last name will not be known here, Sex Talk, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing, Underage Relationship(s), Underage Sex, ben and rey are childhood friends, ben treats her like a sister, but her grandparents are Palpatines, first kiss talk, innocent question, just be careful kids, not that innocent questions, rey hates being treated like a sister later in the story, talk about sex, they are ten years apart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:42:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vasttelia/pseuds/vasttelia
Summary: depaysement:French/noun./1. change of scenery; disorientation.2. the feeling of not being at home.Rey saw her life change completely by the age of six, when her parents perished in a car accident and she had to live with grandparents she had never seen in her life.Ben saw his life change completely by the age of sixteen when a six-year-old moved to the house next to his and started following him everywhere he went.The little kid thought him how to love someone more than anything in life.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 40





	1. Six/Sixteen

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am again, not having finished my previous work and starting a new one. Unfocused, who can relate?!  
> So this story came from a prompt I created and posted on my twitter a while ago, which I thought I would not be able to write because I have other 3 stories being planned and written -all reylo, so you might see more of me around here, hopefully.  
> However, this story started flowing from my mind to my fingers, and I just couldn't control myself. I love writing angst, and you are going to see a lot of that here. But right now, you are going to see a beautiful -and unlikely- friendship be developed between a six-year-old Rey and a sixteen-year-old Ben. 
> 
> Each chapter will be focused in different periods of their lives, which will make time goes by fast in this story -the angst will come later on- and I plan this story to be a short one (not sure on the number of chapters yet, though). 
> 
> Hope you like this one too!

* * *

The first time they saw each other, Rey was six and Ben sixteen. She was a little thing too thin for her age with hair too long for her body. Her face showed no emotion, but at the moment Ben looked at her, she gave him a little smile. As little as she was, he knew her heart was big and that the little girl that was staring non-stop at him would, one day, melt his heart.

That night, he heard his mother telling his father that the little girl’s name was Rey and that she had just lost her parents in a car accident. Even though her grandparents were their neighbors for years, he had never seen her around, and the both of them were Leia and Han’s good friends for a long time, always having dinner in his house on Friday nights.

Ben liked Mrs. Palpatine, she was gentle and always asked him about his classes and his inner artist development whenever they saw each other, but he never liked Mr. Palpatine, a serious man who hardly ever laughed at his father’s joke, but always complimented his mother’s clothes. He would never understand adults small talk, always so frivolous. Also, he never understood how a woman such as Mrs. Palpatine was married to a man like him, being the completely opposite from each other. She would always laugh at Han’s jokes, no matter how stupid they were -and Ben thought they were _always_ stupid.

Later in that same week he first saw Rey, he heard his mother speaking with his father again, and discovered that Rey’s mother was never approved by the big Palpatine’s family, being too young and too poor for them, whatever that meant. Ben didn’t understand how people could be so selfish with that much money, for always seeing his mother helping whoever she could, even not having the same amount of money the Palpatine’s had.

Rey’s grandparents, now her guardians, were richer than anyone he had ever known, and they lived in a big house not far from his own house. He could see her playing, all by herself, in the garden or at the edge of the forest that practically circled their terrain, her long hair sometimes flying with the wind, others attached to her head by unusual three buns.

Ben was too old to play with her, but every time she visited his family, she would never leave his side. Every time he tried to escape from that annoying little thing by running to the forest, she would follow him _every single time_ , never afraid of the darkness in the middle of the trees.

“Wait!” She screamed one of those times, running after him, her little legs in rainy boots splashing the mud on her socks and dress.

“What do you _want_?” Ben was angry, as he would always be by that age, angry that a six-year-old was following him like an ant follows sugar, never leaving him alone. She would always watch him drawing in his bedroom when he thought he was finally by himself. Rey loved his drawings, and sometimes she even tried to replicate them in her own notebook, one that she convinced Ben to give to her.

“Explore!” she giggled at him, stepping accidentally into a mushroom and crying immediately. “Oh no! I kill it!”

Seeing her distracted with her crying and the little red mushroom, he turned back to continue his own exploration in the forest, but felt guilty when he heard Rey sobbing uncontrollably.

“Kid, it’s ok.” He tried to say, walking back to her. “It was an accident.”

“But it was a _cutisie_ mushroom.” She said, and he had no idea where she got that word from, which made him laugh and, thankfully, distracted her from what she had done.

“Cute, Rey.” Ben explained, lifting her small hands from the dirt and cleaning on his own jeans. “The correct word is _cute_ , not _cutisie_.”

“Oh.” There was disappointment in her voice. “Okay.”

“But…” he started, holding her hands together in the middle of his, and walking her back to his house. “It’s ok if you want to use it around me, deal?”

“Okay, Ben!” her smile lifted his inner walls, and he smiled back at her, leaving the darkness of the woods to step into the sunset light that was calling out the day.

His parents and her grandparents were talking in the porch, and he saw that they were also drinking, which meant it was not a good moment for a kid to be in the middle of them, so Ben took Rey to his bedroom, and let her draw beside him on his desk.

“Look!” She showed him her drawing, a confusion of colors and shapes, but Ben had learned from his mother that, whenever a kid shows him a drawing, he should give a compliment, no matter how weird or ugly it looks. This time, though, her drawing was clearer than many previous ones that filled her notebook, and he was surprised, making his compliment sincere.

“You improved, Rey! That’s very good.”

“What is _impru_ \- _imprudi_?” she tried to ask, getting confused by this new word, looking at her own hand holding the pencil, trying to put the letters together, trying to make sense of something. Without any success, she looked up at him with her brows joined on her forehead, almost angry for not being able to discern the new vocabulary.

Ben held his own pencil and wrote the word for her on the page, teaching her how to spell it and finally helping her say it properly.

“It means you are better than before.” He ended up by saying, trying his best to explain a complicated word in a simple way for a kid. Teaching kids was not something he usually did, in fact, it was something he had never had the necessity to do before Rey. But he found himself being good at it, and he thought that was for the fact that Rey was an easy kid, quiet most of the times and focused, different than the six-year-olds he usually saw at the lower school, screaming and throwing things at each other all the time.

“Oh! Okay!” It was Rey’s usual way of telling him she had understood something, and she returned to her task, turning the notebook page to start a new drawing.

This time, there were four circle shapes first, some sticks connecting to a body, a triangular shape in a taller “person”, another in a shorter one -which was probably herself in one of her dresses-, something that resembled hair -long for her, shorter for the other woman and even shorter for the two other sticks.

Ben realized he was paying attention to what she was doing, curious to know about her family, because if she was drawing them, it meant that she was probably wanting to talk to him about them. At least, that was how it worked for the two of them most days. Whenever Rey was drawing something, she wanted to talk about.

Many weird conversations had already happened between him and the girl, like when she drew an enormous spider, told him she was really scared of them and asked about why they existed, which Ben told her that they existed to eat the bad mosquitoes that try to bite her at night, and she felt relaxed immediately, ripping the page from her book and throwing it away –“I still hate them.”, she had said then.

Another conversation happened when she drew a pregnant woman she had seen on the city and asked him about babies, making him blush and give her the usual lecture his parents had given him years ago -not the stork’s one, which he thought it was _really_ unreal- but the one that explained how man and woman usually fell in love with each other and how they showed that by keeping their bodies very close together, making the baby be “planted” in the woman’s belly by the man’s seeds. That lecture made Rey laugh hysterically and ask “So men are plants?”, which led to another conversation that he would rather forget.

“What are you drawing now?”

“My family.” She said, not moving the eyes from her work.

“Your mom and dad?” he pressured, watching how she carefully added eyes -too big for the size of the heads- and something that was vaguely similar to noses and smiles.

“No, they died.” She told him with a serious voice, like it was something obvious. “I am drawing my new family.”

“You grandparents?”

“No, silly.” She gave him a smile, using the word he had taught her last week, and looking very proud of it. “Your parents and you.”

“Rey…” he placed his hand on hers, stopping her movements and making her stare at him, eyes in a vivid color filling with water as she probably remembered her parents. “We are not family, you _know_ that, right?”

Ben didn’t want to sound so mean, but he didn’t want her to develop big feelings for his family -this came as something so selfish in his mind that he had to shake his head to make it go away -, feelings that she might regret later. His family was not perfect, his parents were not perfect, and that little girl didn’t deserve that after losing her own family. 

“Grandma says you all are family for her, so you are for me too.” She shrugged and returned to her drawing, wiping away the tears with the back of her hand.

Ben didn’t think about it until late that night, when he was alone in his bed, trying to sleep but being constantly reminded of how he was disappointing his parents by wanting to follow the arts career instead of the business one like his father, or by choosing to live in the city when he turned 18 instead of the barn his parents were rearranging for him. He hated those thoughts, and he hated himself for being a bad son, thinking that Rey would probably be a better child for them than he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Rey reminds me of a little girl that used to be my student when I was an ESL English Teacher back in my home country -Brazil- some years ago. She loved to be around me, and she loved to show me everything she was working on, and the sound of her voice still makes me want to go back to teaching so I can find those little things again, they definitely changed my life. Deal with a six-year-old is not an easy job, and I am trying to show how challenging it is for Ben, a boy that is no prepared for it. Next chapter you are going to see him have his first sexual experience, and a surprise coming his way in the middle of the forest. I still don't have this chapter written, so bare with me here. 
> 
> See you soon, hopefully! 
> 
> Follow me:
> 
> [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/elycadieri)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/vasttelia)


	2. seven/seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe I said on [twitter](https://twitter.com/vasttelia) that I had made all the outline for this story already, so follow me there if you want more updates on my stories - and also to read the twitter fic I've been posting.  
> So basically I have planned on this story to have ten chapters, being one on different ages of Rey and Ben and the last one an epilogue. This might change if I see a chapter getting too big, but so far so good.  
> I have been listening to some specific songs to write these chapters, if you want to follow along you can listen to my reylo playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2xYklOtT1eM7c0h1A8GWRS). 
> 
> Attention that this chapter will gather a teenager Ben in his "privacy" and young Rey seeing him with a girl, which I think is best of me to let you know, as it is not a nice thing for a child to experience. 
> 
> btw, I still don't have a beta, so any mistakes I already apologize. I review my stories three to four times before posting, but sometimes things might slip out of my attention.

* * *

Seasons went by and suddenly Rey turned seven, still being that tiny kid Ben had met less than a year ago, her hair still too long for her height and he – _still_ – could not get rid of her. Her following him to the woods was not new anymore, she had even gathered some supplies to her exploration there, and they spent a while together in the middle of the trees: Ben drawing on his notebook and Rey collecting “treasures” – she called that whatever she could find that was different: a heart-shaped rock, acorns, leaves…

However, Ben was not spending too much time in the woods with her anymore, having found friends he got along with. So whenever Ben received his friends at his house, she wanted to be there too. He didn’t even know how she knew they would be at his house, she just _did_ and showed up almost _every time_ , usually sneaking out from her grandparents’ garden to spend an afternoon with them.

Rey never bothered them, she used to just sit there quietly and draw on her notebook, occasionally commenting on something they had said or asking them a question – some of them were really innocent (“ _Can I draw you_? _I like your orange hair._ ”), others so similar to an adult’s question that made them all laugh (“ _Aren’t you going to go to your own house_?”). The two boys that were always there – Poe and Hux – adored her, and they used to treat her like a sister, same way Ben did. But everything had its limits, and when they started bringing girls for their hang outs, it was necessary to move from his bedroom to the unfinished barn – which luckily had a lock in it, so she was not able to open and join the gang.

This change in the routine ended up being a mistake, because the first thing Rey did when she discovered what they were up to, was to tell Leia that Ben was not allowing her in the barn. She did not mean any harm, of course, she just wanted to be with them – mostly, she wanted to be with _Ben_. Rey didn’t have friends at school, she was a quiet girl and it was hard for her to get closer to another student, which made Ben – and his friends – the only acquaintances she had. And she wanted to keep them next to her.

Rey didn’t care they were older. They liked her, she could tell, and they let her be with them. For her, that was enough, so of course she was upset with the change of scenario.

“Rey, my dear, I think Ben wants to spend time with his friends now.” Leia told her the afternoon she complained, her eyes full of water, her little hands trying to wipe them away.

“But I thought I was his friend too.” Leia couldn’t blame the child for being so naïve, she felt sorry for the girl.

No parents, only her grandparents as company in a huge house, no friends at school, it was no surprise that she was getting attached to the boys. They were good kids, from good families, but they were teenagers. She already was surprised Ben still had her around most of the times, but now, with girlfriends involved, things had changed.

“I am sure you are, love, but you have to understand that Ben is older and his friends sometimes don’t want you there.”

“Why?” her eyes were so similar to Ben’s eyes when he was little, innocent and full of wonder, that made Leia kneel down on the floor and hold both her little hands, trying to understand the struggle she was going through to understand those big changes coming her way.

“Because…“ It was so difficult to explain to a child _why_ she was not wanted in an environment, Leia tried her best to not let that girl cry again in front of her. “Well, because teenagers’ talk is not something very appropriate for a little girl like you.”

“I am not little!” Rey’s expression changed completely from sad to outrage, as she placed her tiny hands on her hips and stared at Leia.

 _That one was a fierce little thing_ , Leia thought and smiled at her.

“No, dear, you are not.” A little laugh escaped her, and she rose from the floor to continue her task in the kitchen. “He just wants to protect you, Rey. I am sure he will let you in when you are a little older.”

Leia gave her a comforting smile and a glass of milk with cookies, calming the girl for the moment, and it was enough to distract her from the subject for a while.

* * *

Every day after school, Rey looked for Ben outside the barn, but he was always there, inside, locked away from her. She had gotten an apron that she was desperate to show him, because now her dresses would not get dirty anymore, and she was _so proud_ of it. She _needed_ to show Ben and he was never around, never there for her.

Spending most of her days at her grandparents’ house, she tried to distract herself with homework, reading and drawing. Whenever grandma Palpatine visited the Solo’s, she would follow, desperate for any contact with Ben.

She was never lucky, though.

Except that one day, which she hoped to forget when she got older. Never happened. The memory was still burning in her mind every time she entered the woods.

She hadn’t understood what she saw at the time, but when she did, it frightened her.

It was a colder day in September, the leaves starting to fall from the big trees and the wind was merciless. Seven-year-old Rey was running outside, at the forest’s edge, exploring and searching for mushrooms – to protect, _not kill_ , like she started saying – when she heard a weird noise coming from deep within the trees. For her, just a child at the time, it was the sound of an animal in pain, or even worse, a person in pain. She panicked, leaving her basket full of flowers, rocks and acorns on the floor as she hurried to the darkness of the forest.

It was not necessary for her to run much, finally finding the source of the noise buried in blankets by a big oak tree.

Rey always thought that oak tree was imposing and probably hundreds of years old, and just the thought of a tree being there forever, made her love it. It was her favorite place to play alone, and to draw. She had tried to copy the tree itself on her notebook with her tiny hands that still had problems holding the pencil correctly.

After that evening, she _hated_ that tree.

Rey could not understand what was happening there, in the middle of all those blankets, movements and leaves. There was Ben, she could definitely see that, his long black hair covering his ears and part of his face. But there was also someone else.

A _girl_.

A blonde girl.

Her hair was spread on the floor, gathering leaves on it as she shifted under Ben. And Ben…

Well, Ben was on top of her, naked chest as he moved incessantly, like he was trying to reach her but kept retreating and making repeated movements.

The sound was coming from the girl’s mouth, a sound that made Rey want to call for her, because it sounded like she was in pain.

Like Ben was _hurting_ her.

The girl had her eyes closed, clothes on – where Rey’s eyes could see – and she was holding Ben’s shoulders like trying to bring him closer to her.

But how she wanted him closer when he was visibly _hurting_ her?!

Minutes passed with Rey staring; she couldn’t decide what to do. Then, she remembered what Ben had told her one day, when she asked about babies. He had said that babies were planted on a woman’s belly by the man’s seed when they got too closer together.

Suddenly, she gasped and returned running faster to the house, but decided to change her path and go to Ben’s house. She needed to tell his mother what was happening in the woods. She just couldn’t let Ben do that to the poor girl, she couldn’t let him keep hurting her. Because that was what looked to Rey, that he was causing pain while planting _a baby_ in her. And a baby! Ben was too young to have a baby. His mother needed to know.

Leia was not home, making her return to her house, heads down, feeling powerless. Should she tell her grandmother? No, she decided. She liked Ben; she could not let her grandma thinks that he was hurting a girl. Because if she did that, grandma would prohibit her from seeing Ben. And that thought alone scared her entirely, making her weirdly quiet for the rest of the week.

Things changed the next time she saw Ben. Rey knew there was no point any longer in trying to sneak inside the barn as the door was always locked, but in one random opportunity, she saw the open door and hurried inside. Ben was with a girl, but not the blonde from the woods, this one was brunette. Hair as long as Rey, freckles on her cheek, just like Rey. Green eyes, just like Rey.

The two boys, Poe and Hux, were also accompanied by a girl each, and Rey could not see the blonde girl among them. They all stared at her when she ran into their space, and immediately stopped talking. It took Rey a minute to catch her breath and be able to wave to them.

“Rey!” Ben shouted, getting up from his seat and coming to her. “You know you can’t be here!”

“I just -”She started saying, looking at him with her big wild eyes, hoping he would let her stay this time. “I saw the door open and I just thought -”

“Go home, Rey.” His eyes were black and angry at her, she couldn’t understand why. Nothing had happened, he hadn’t seen her that day in the forest, so why was he so mad at her?

Rey’s anger for being locked out again got the best of her and she needed to make him see that. So, she remembered that the girl he had brought tonight was completely different than the previous one, and she made the decision to shame him in front of her.

“Are you going to plant a baby in her too, Ben?” she said, innocently, but so angry at him that nothing stopped her words. She didn’t know what she was doing, only that she needed to show this _new girl_ that Ben was not a good person. He hurt the other one, planted a baby in her – which had probably hurt a lot if she was making those noises – and now was probably going to do the same to the new one. Rey just couldn’t let him think he was winning.

She expected him to shout at her, kick her out, or maybe even drag her by the arm and throw her outside. But what she heard was coming from his friends, laugher, hysterical ones. Ben looked angrier at her, and Rey looked to the brunet to see her reaction.

Well, saying she was furious was an understatement. The girl was getting up, coming to Ben with a red face and tears in her eyes, and she started screaming at him. Rey didn’t stay there to see what happened next, she ran to her house and stayed hidden under the blankets until the morning came.

* * *

The following morning started with rain pouring down outside Ben’s window, and he woke up with the thunder noises. He was still trying to process what had happened the night before, with Rey’s nonsense, his girlfriend yelling at him and leaving them shocked as she ran away from the barn. Ben knew Rey had done that on purpose, but what he didn’t know was how she knew about all that.

Before he decided what to do about her, his mother called him from downstairs. Dressing himself quickly in sweatpants and a t-shirt, he went down the stairs and found Rey drenched to the bones inside his living room, twisting her hands inside her coat.

“What are you _doing_ here?” he asked abruptly, still mad at her.

“Ben.” His mother warned. “She just came to see if you were ok. She said she was worried about you and, specially, about the girl.” Seeing confusion in Ben’s eyes, Leia continued. “Rey here said she saw you hurting a girl in the woods a while ago, and she was worried you had hurt the one that was here yesterday.”

“What?!” he screamed at her, so mad, and Rey took some steps back, shoulders rising to hide her red face inside the coat, arms crossing over her chest protectively.

“I don’t know what happened in the woods, Ben, but what Rey saw…” how was he mother mad at him and not at Rey for being so nosy?! “Let’s just say the forest is not a _safe place_ to do things.”

“Jesus, mom! I don’t need you giving me moral lessons or teaching me about stuff, ok!?” Ben was screaming, his face still swollen from the night of sleep, and Rey was scared, she kept looking from Leia to him, watching the developments of things. That was not what she expected it would happen, she didn’t want them to fight.

She had never seen Ben screaming before, especially with his mother. A part of her was desperate to leave the house, and so she did. Slowly stepping back, she headed to the woods, still hearing Ben’s screams coming from the house.

Rey ran as fast as she could in the rain, the boots splashing mud on her apron, but she didn’t stop.

* * *

“Ben, I am just asking you to be careful next time. Rey is too young to understand those things, she thought you hurt a girl! Can you imagine her fear? You didn’t see the water in her eyes as she spoke to me.” Leia was trying to explain to her son, voice down, as he kept yelling at her. His father was not around to deal with that himself, which was good or Ben would be grounded for weeks.

“ _Fine_ , mom! Rey, I am – “. He stopped, seeing she was not there anymore. They had gotten so into their discussion that none of them was paying attention to the little girl that left the house in the middle of the rain and ran into the woods.

“Where did she go?!” he asked, turning to Leia, seeing her as surprised as him. She was speechless, mouth open as she was about to say something to him, wide eyes, gesturing to nowhere.

“I will call her house.” she decided, looking for her phone and pressing the numbers before placing it on her ear. She spoke with their staff – her grandparents were not home – and they confirmed she was not there. Leia denied with her head to Ben as she hung up the phone.

“Shit!” he suddenly realized that if she was not home, there was only one place she could be, and screamed while getting his boots and raincoat from the front door’s hanger. “The woods!”

And he left after her.

* * *

Ben found Rey’s little body all curled up on a branch, shivering as she cried. Her dress was all stained, her boots full of mud, and the girl’s long hair was all messed up with leaves, branches and water.

“Rey!” he screamed when he saw her, running to grab her in his arms. Her tiny body was something so easy for him to hold, so light that he didn’t have any problems to take her back almost running without disturbing her.

He felt her cold body and saw her lips turning purple, trembling as she tried to talk to him while rushing her back to his parents’ house.

“I – I got lost.” Rey’s face was wet with tears, and now he didn’t know if her shivers were only from the cold.

“I’ve got you, kid. You are ok.” Ben assured her, holding her tighter, feeling her body getting a little warmer by his own body heat.

They arrived back at the front door, and her parents were already there, desperately reaching for her. But Ben didn’t let go of her. He couldn’t.

It was his fault she was in that situation; his own selfish behavior had dragged that girl to almost feverish state, and he would not let her go until she was better. Telling them what they wanted to know, he took her upstairs, to his bedroom, being followed by his mother as he placed her in his bed and covered Rey’s little body with the blankets.

“No!” his voice came out angry as he refused help, tugging the covers up to her chin, waiting for her lips to come back to the normal pinkish color he loved to see smiling. “I’ll take care of her.”

* * *

It took Leia almost an hour to be sure he would take good care of her, and her grandparents had time to arrive and check on her. After making sure she was getting better, he watched his parents and Rey’s grandparents leave his bedroom together, speaking of getting her medicine, food and cleaner clothes. He let them go, closed his door and sat on his desk, trying to focus on something else without letting his attention slip from Rey’s breathing noises.

Ben was drawing and almost jumped when, some hours later - after her grandmother had dropped off medicine, changed her, changed his bedsheets, and left them alone again – he heard Rey’s soft voice spoke.

“Are you going to study arts, Ben?” her looked back to his bed and saw her sitting up and taking off all the blankets they had thrown over her. Her face was red, probably feeling hot with the fever, and he ran to meet her and avoid her from moving. 

“You have to rest, Rey!” his hand felt hot on the forehead, and he gave her some drops of the fever medicine they had brought.

“Are you going to study arts, Ben?” she asked again, as if he hadn’t interrupted her.

“What?” He was still perplexed that she was able to formulate such a specific question by being sick in bed, completely unaware of being lost in the woods, cold and shivering, hours earlier.

“You like drawing.” It was her obvious answer, pointing to his desk with her little fingers. “Are you going to study it? In grown up school?”

“I don’t think so, Rey.” He sat beside her, hand still on her forehead, hoping she would feel better soon. He wouldn’t leave until she felt better.

“Why?” her voice was sharp, as she was not comprehending what he was telling her. How could she, though? She was still so protected from the world, he wished she would stay like that forever. His sweet little Rey, innocent and protected from the terrible world outside.

“It’s complicated.” It was everything he was able to say. Her big eyes were studying him as she asked her next question.

“Why?” she wanted to know, like everything else. It was her most frequent question at the moment, and he remembered himself asking his parents the same things over and over, no matter the subject.

“My father doesn’t want me to go to arts school.” There was so much more in that, but nothing for a kid to be able to understand.

“Why?” there was the question again, Rey’s face unchanged.

“He wants me to study something to be able to work with him.” Ben’s hand finally left her forehead, as he was feeling her getting a little cooler – or he was already too long feeling her hot temperature that he was not able to discern it anymore.

“But you already work with him.” _If he could only keep her innocent like that_.

“Yeah, but one day he wants me to take care of his business.” His hands reached for the soup Mrs. Palpatine had brought earlier, and with a spoon he started feeding her, not enough food in her mouth for her to stop talking, though.

“But you like arts.” She said between swallowing.

“I know, kid.” He fed her another full spoon, dripping it a little on her chin, which she cleaned with her thumb and licked from it right after.

“So, you shouldn’t listen to your dad and do what you want.” He laughed as she said that, placing the spoon back on the bowl.

“That’s not how it works, Rey.” He gave her a soft little smile, wanting to laugh more at her obvious thoughts.

“Why?”

“It’s complicated, kid. One day you will understand we cannot always do what we please.”

“I don’t want to grow up.” Her little arms crossed over her chest, and she tried to make a fierce face. “Ever. You adults always says things are complicated. Being a kid is easy. I want to be a kid forever.”

“I wanted too, Rey.” he told her.

It was everything he wanted right then, be a kid again, be able to think things are as easy as Rey makes them. Having his parents love him and cherish him like when he was her age. That was everything he wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some aspects of the Organa-Solo's [house](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/bb/bf/c4/bbbfc4047481124b5313881f88bd192f.jpg) I like to keep in mind
> 
> Follow me!
> 
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	3. twelve/twenty-two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION!  
> Mind the tags! I have updated them and they are a warning of what this chapter is bringing, so careful.

* * *

The first time Rey’s grandparents left her alone, she was twelve. She could stay in the house, they had said, because she was already old enough and their staff would be there to cook and take care of her. The only thing they forgot to ask her was if she _wanted_ to be left alone. She could not bear with being left alone since she lost her parents, so she asked them to stay at Leia and Han’s house.

There was no discussion to that.

They had left a week before her classes were over, to work on field research for their new business that would be set up in another country. Rey never asked what they did, and they never told her either. The only thing she knew was that her grandfather was always working outside the house, and her grandmother was always with her, working _and_ taking care of her granddaughter. 

Oh, and she also knew they were _extremely_ rich.

Rey spent a week at the Solo’s house, which went by smoothly. She had her final classes day during the week, so Han would go to work and leave her at the school, and she would return with the bus to meet Leia for tea. The best thing Rey could think of those weeks – besides being with Ben and sleeping in his bedroom – was to be able to be with his stuff. Ben didn’t care about her snooping around his drawings and books, making her had thousands of things to get inspired with.

She drew a lot based on his own drawings, and read a lot of his art books. Ben had been going to Business college for a while already, but he had never stopped creating, and he would always show her his projects and new drawings, which she was always admiring and, the ones he allowed her to have, hanging on her bedroom wall.

Ben’s drawings were amazingly good, and she loved them. Han used to say that art didn’t pay the bills, and that Ben should make money with a _real job_ to be someone in life. This used to be an ongoing argument for the two of them, which they tried to avoid during the days she was there, but Rey could still hear Han whispering a little too loud for Ben before they both went to bed.

 _Art was not a job_ , Han used to say.

Rey disagreed with him _completely_. And also did Leia, but she never said anything. Neither did Ben.

* * *

Every day, by the time Ben and Han arrived home from work, they would have dinner together, like a family, and that was another favorite part of Rey’s. She could listen to their casual talk about work – numbers and vocabulary Rey didn’t want to understand -, about what Leia had done during the day – taken care of the garden and worked on the studio – and they often asked Rey about school too. Grandfather never did.

And she loved to talk about school. She had recently made friends, Rey told them, and Finn and Rose were funny and very generous, always sharing colored pencils she didn’t have, or exchanging their lunches whenever they didn’t feel like eating what they had taken to school.

They also used to talk about Ben’s girlfriend – how was she doing, what did she work with - a frequently asked question - and when would she come over to have dinner with them. For that, Ben would always come up with an excuse.

Rey had seen his girlfriend twice in the house, before that week, and she was pretty. Long brown hair, like hers, freckles on her noses and shoulders. She was really similar to the girl Ben had dated some time ago, and she thought that he looked like someone who really liked brunettes. And _freckles_.

She also had _them_ , and he liked her. That probably meant something she didn’t quite get yet.

His new girlfriend used to come to his house whenever his parents were not home, and Rey would see them together in his bedroom by the window whenever she was outside. She imagined they would do the same things she saw him doing to the girl a long time ago in the woods. Not planting babies, she knew better now, but _sex_. Yeah, she knew all about it, the kids in school loved the topic.

She didn’t.

Rey used to get really shy when people started talking about it around her. And she got really shy thinking about Ben – _her_ Ben, as she used to think about him – doing stuff like that too.

One thing Ben didn’t do anymore – since the day she spilled the tea for his friends and his current girlfriend - was to bring his girlfriend to his house when she was there, so that week was no different. Ben had spent the weekend before Rey was there at this girl’s house, but she didn’t come around. Rey wondered why.

* * *

Two days before her grandparents return, Rey was fighting with Ben for the bed – again – as he refused to let her sleep in the sleeping bag, and she refused to let him do the same, so they would always end up sleeping in the bed together – the bed was big enough for both of them to stay without even feeling each other’s presence. That time, though, Rey would regret not sleeping alone on the floor.

She woke up in the morning and heard Ben already in the shower, getting ready to college. It was early, around 6 am, but she felt fully awake.

Sitting up on the bed, she felt something in between her thighs, and looked down her sleeping pants. They were covered in red, and so were the sheets underneath her. It took her all of her strength to not panic, and she tried to remember what her grandmother had told her that would be happening with her body soon enough. She just didn’t think it would happen in Ben’s bed, with her completely alone in there.

Worse, with _him_ there.

She panicked, getting up from the bed and running to his bathroom’s door. She knocked desperately, calling for him.

“Ben! Ben! Open up! _Please_!”

She heard his voice inside, louder than the shower.

“Rey?” the shower stopped, but she didn’t stop knocking. “What’s going on?” he questioned, and she could hear him stepping out of the shower and getting the towel.

“I need to use the bathroom.” She explained, knocking and knocking to let him know it was urgent. “ _Now_. Please”

There was a noise of the door being unlocked, and he stepped out with his waist down covered by the towel. Rey used to forget how large he was next to her.

“What happened?” his tone was worried, but she didn’t answer him, only rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

“Rey?”

“Can you call Leia?” she asked from inside, while cursing over and over in a low voice.

Ben was not used to hear her cursing – her grandfather called her attention any time she tried -, so he knew it was something serious.

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” he needed to know if there was any way he could help her.

With the way she answered him, apparently there wasn’t.

“Call your mom, _please_.”

He walked into the dresser to get his clothes, and then he saw the reason for Rey’s despair stamped on his bedsheets, deep red.

“Rey... do you need me to get you _anything_?” Ben tried to ask, slowly, not wanting to cross any boundaries. He knew what that meant, he just didn’t know what to do with that, how to help her. He just thought about how she was feeling. Scared, probably. Ashamed, most likely.

It took her a minute to answer him, as she considered if it was worth to ask him for what she needed. In the end, she decided she had already been too exposed to him in a day.

“No, I- just call your mom please.” Rey asked, the voice lower than normal.

“Ok, I’ll go.” He said and left her alone.

Minutes later there was the sound of footsteps, from one person only. Rey was relieved Ben had already left.

“Rey?” the woman asked, getting closer to the bathroom door and knocking precisely. “It’s Leia.”

Still afraid Ben would be close by, Rey opened just a crack. Immediately, Leia knew what she was concerned with.

“Ben is gone, it’s ok.”

“Ok.” Rey said, but didn’t open the door completely.

“Is everything ok?” Leia’s voice was peaceful, and Rey always wondered if her mother’s voice would sound like that: soothing, calm, sure of what’s being said. She didn’t remember her mother’s voice anymore.

“No.” She was able to answer.

“What happened? Ben told me there is blood on the sheets.”

“Shit _.” He had seen it_ ; Rey was turning as red as the blood color on her shorts.

“Rey?”

“Sorry. I wish he hadn’t seen it.” Why was she so ashamed of something people used to say it was natural? She didn’t understand. Yet, she didn’t want Ben to _know_ about that. “I am bleeding, Leia.”

“Ok…” Leia’s voice was once again calm, making her able to open the door completely to her. “It’s ok, dear. It’s normal. Did your grandma talk to you about it?”

Rey nodded, crossing her arms in front of her chest, and bringing her shoulders closer together, trying to hide from her own insecurity. “Kind of…”

“Ok, good. It’s perfectly normal for a girl your age, Rey.” Leia explained, and continued telling her things she already knew, but it felt so much better to hear them again, from her. “It means you are growing up, and now your body can grow a child. It’s going to happen every month, so there is no need for worry, ok?”

She waited patiently until Rey felt safe enough to answer.

“Ok.” It was the only thing she was able to respond, relaxing her shoulders.

“Ok, so I’m going to bring you something you can use until your grandmother returns, I have enough for you to use during the rest of the week, then you will feel safe, right?”

“Ok.” Thankfully she had Leia, she thought. Leia knew what to do, she had what Rey needed, and everything would be fine. Except that Ben also knew, and she had ruined his bed. “Wait, Leia.”

“Hm?” she turned back from the door, looking at her in the door frame, too afraid to leave the bathroom just yet.

“The sheets.” Rey pointed, her cheeks getting red with the reminder of her bloody fluids being all over it. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry, Ben is not going to talk about it, he knows better. I’m going to change them and it’s going to be like nothing happened, ok?”

“I’m sorry.” She apologized again.

“Don’t, Rey. It’s ok.”

“Ben probably hates me for staining his bed.” She kept talking, wanting her scary thoughts to go away.

“He does not, Rey.” Leia was back next to her, and she held both Rey’s hand, reassuring her that everything was ok. Rey felt safe near her, felt even loved. All of her strength was used to avoid tears from falling down her eyes. “He understands, kid. It’s ok.”

* * *

It was never again mentioned Rey’s “situation”, and Ben never spoke a word about it, which she silently thanked. There was something weird about Ben knowing she had – well, that she had bled on his bed, but he never showed something similar to disgust around her. Apparently, like Leia had said, he understood.

Leia, on the other hand, used to comment on that, though, and so would Rey’s grandmother. The sex conversation had come from both women, and Rey blushed with both, _especially_ with Leia. She hated those conversations, even knowing they were necessary – after all, her body could create a life inside her now, not that she thought about doing that anytime soon. – she didn’t exactly appreciate them. It was always embarrassing, and when it happened at the school, it was worse: there were pictures. _Worst day of her life_.

One day, hanging out at Ben’s bedroom, him studying and her finishing her homework, she asked him something that was bothering her for a while, even more after the “incident” – as she was calling it by then.

“So, why don’t you let me hang out with you anymore?” Rey didn’t even lift her head from her task, but Ben did, stopping what he was doing to look at her, but not responding.

“Your mom says it’s not _appropriate_ for me anymore to be around you.” She pronounced the word “appropriate” exactly like Leia used to, but forcing with her own British accent, which made Ben laugh. Her hands were still working, finishing a very easy geography exercise.

“She is right.” He said, turning back to his studies, still giggling and shaking his head.

“Why?” Her hands let go of the pencil and she turned on the floor, looking up at him on his desk. Even knowing he was always bigger than her, it always surprised Rey when she was sitting on the floor. He was massive, now even a little stronger than when she first met him. She liked him that way, he appeared to be healthier and, well, an adult, really.

“I think we were done with this questioning, Rey.”

“I’m just trying to _understand_.” She shrugged her shoulders, returning to another task in front of her: bite her nails. A terrible habit she would never stop.

Something that Ben hardly ever did to her was to leave her unanswered, even if everything he had to tell her was a simple, _I don’t know._ In this case, though, he wanted to answer her on the same level she was asking him stuff: like adults.

“It’s not that we don’t want you around. Is just that… the boys’ have girlfriends now, and when we are alone, we usually talk about – “. Rey didn’t let him finish.

“Sex.” It was not a question, and she didn’t seem distracted from biting her nails to say that big word.

“Hm – “. He would never understand how Rey could do that to him, making him speechless, how could she be so grown up when she wanted to, in that little size of her, so small yet so bold. “- Among other stuff that are not interesting for you.” _Really, that is your best way of talking to this girl that speaks more like an adult than you?_ He cursed himself mentally.

“Do you have a girlfriend too, Ben?” changing the subject when she was not interested in what he was saying was common of Rey’s, and she had no difficulty in doing that. It was even like she had a speech prepared in her head.

“Not right now, no.”

Purposely ignoring how much that information made her happy, Rey kept talking.

“I have a boyfriend.” She confessed, a finger in her mouth as she was biting the nail, so her voice came a little muffled by it, but Ben listened.

“Oh _, do you_?” _Now_ he was looking at her, exactly like she predicted it would happen. He was too protective over Rey, and she loved to see it in action.

“I mean, he is my best friend, but he likes me a lot.” She continued, pretending not to notice him paying full attention to her monologue.

“Does he?” Rey knew his attention was all on hers by then, and she pretended she wasn’t noticing, teasing him with her sayings.

“Uhm. I think I will let him kiss me.” It was not a lie, she was really thinking about that, but she was too young for it at the moment, and she didn’t want to kiss anyone just because all of her friends were doing it – which they totally were, including Finn. She could wait, but Ben didn’t need to know that, so Rey kept playing with him.

“Aren’t you too young for that?” there was real concern in his words, he really thought she was speaking the truth and internally, Rey laughed and loved the attention she had, and the worry he had for her. No one showed her so much worry as he did.

Rey liked his attention, it was a different kind of attention that she would normally receive from her grandparents, from her friends, or even Han and Leia. They all cared about her, she knew it, but Ben was… devoted to it. Like caring for her was everything he wanted to do. She knew it wasn’t, but it looked like it, and Rey _loved_ it.

“If my body can already create a child, I think I am old enough to kiss someone, don’t you?” _Totally not_ , she was thinking, but again, he didn’t know she was lying and it was _fun_.

The fact that her body was so ready to have a child inside was insane, she was only twelve and she had no idea if she even wanted to kiss a boy, imagine having a child. _Who thought it was a good idea for children to have changes in their bodies so young_ , she was thinking and she was _mad_. It was inconvenient having all those changes happening at her, she hadn’t asked for it, she didn’t want it.

“You _might_ have a point.” He finally said, carefully. Ben also knew Rey was too young for all of that, but if she wanted to kiss a boy, what was the problem. _Right_?! “Just make sure he really likes you before kissing him, ok?”

Apparently, that for Ben was a big problem. It meant his little girl was not so little anymore, even though she looked like it. Rey hadn’t grown a lot, she was severely smaller than him still, and he would treat her like a child until she was an adult, because that was what he wanted her to be: a child forever. Innocent, naïve, _his_. If she grew up, if she started dating and going out with guys and, _Jesus Christ_ , having sex?! She couldn’t do that; she was his little Rey. She needed to be his little Rey forever.

“Why?” Rey dragged him out of his weird thoughts, and for a moment he had to remind himself that she was not really his sister, she could do whatever she pleased because she was not his property. But he so wanted her to wait to do all that. At least until 20. Then he would be able to let her go. _Right_?!

“I don’t want you wasting your first kiss on someone that doesn’t deserve you.” Ben was being completely honest with her, remembering his first kiss and how awful it had been, and he had done just because his friends were basically forcing him to do it. He should have waited, and he wanted Rey to do that, he knew better now.

“Who did you waste your first kiss with?” He knew she would ask him that next, so he was prepared for not have this conversation with her, it had already gone too far and soon she would be asking him about that day in the woods. Definitely avoiding that topic.

“I don’t think we should go into this conversation. You are too young for that.”

“Like I said, not what my _body_ thinks.” Rey reminded him and returned to her homework, making him shake his head in disbelief, but also return to his studies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based Rey's first menstruation experience in a mix of mine, so as I did with the age. I have always thought 12 years old was too freaking young to have this kind of "commitment" in life, so I gave her the same thoughts. I am sorry if it was very graphic, I wanted her to feel like it was something really life-changing. 
> 
> IF, by any chance, there are kids reading this - which you shouldn't be doing cause this fic is WAY TOO prohibited for you - , or people who have never kissed anyone, it's ok! Don't decide on that by what your friends are telling you. I have my first kiss after pressure and it was horrible. I could've waited until I was 16 and it would have been better. So, wait. For anything. It is worth it. ALSO, kids, menstruating DOES NOT MEAN you are ready for a - unprotected - sexual life, ok? Just wanted to leave this noted here. Take care, first. 
> 
> Follow me! I am always posting news on twitter and there you can also read my social media fic!
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